Thanksgiving 2012

Since I can't travel to be with my family at Christmas this year (too pregnant), I really wanted to make the most of Thanksgiving. Seven days should be good, I thought to myself at some point months ago. We had quite a bit of Southwest Airlines cash to spend from getting bumped off an overbooked flight, and no weddings in November, so we flew south to spend the week with my Dad's side of the family in Georgia and later my mom's side in Alabama. Have I ever told you I am the only person in my entire extended family who lives north of the Mason Dixon line? I'm practically an alien when I go back down there. It's ok though, I like to think that Tim and I add some northern flavor to the group.

My aunt and uncle were such sweet hosts to us. They expedited their upstairs renovation for our arrival, drove two hours to pick us up at the airport, and folded the toilet paper end into a triangle in their guest bathroom. Such incredible hospitality!  And my uncle even provided me a pregnancy portion of wine at the Thanksgiving table. They're the best.

Between my mom and dad's families, the schedule setup couldn't be much better. My mom's parents always celebrate their Thanksgiving on Friday, which means that no one has to choose between sets of grandparents to celebrate with and lots of us get to celebrate twice. It also keeps our family focused on thankfulness and away from the Black Friday craze. I am a big fan.

So early Friday we made the four hour drive to my mom's family and started the whole deal over again. I'm the first of 11 cousins to have a baby, and I guess seeing one of the granddaughters hugely pregnant just blew some of my male family member's minds because they came up with some amazing comments for me:

"Well, you've sure gained weight!"

"You're so much bigger than your sister."

"Heeeeey there, preggo."

"Are those stretchy pants you're wearing?"

"Do you always have an outtie...or...what's going on there?"

"Wait--YOU'RE PREGNANT?! Haha. Just kidding."

"So, you're just about ready to have that baby any day now?" 

Thankfully, the women swooped in to my rescue on occasion: "You look beautiful! Don't pay any attention to them." But even they couldn't resist pulling open my cardigan to take a good look at me in order to declare their gender prediction based on how I'm carrying. For someone who would rather the general public ignore my body's transformation, it was a lot to smile through, but you're not supposed to kill your family on Thanksgiving. So.

Eventually the comments wound down and we had another lovely day of being thankful for all that we have and all our family surrounding us. After that, Tim and I actually broke out the camera for an evening walk.

My sister hates this picture. She was so not in the mood, but we're both pregnant right now and we won't be seeing each other again before my due date so I wanted to commemorate the occasion. I don't think she even reads this blog so she'll probably never know I published it to the world.

Normally I hate any and all belly touches, but my mom is allowed. And Tim too.

We hung around Alabama until Tuesday. The beauty of this trip was how much time we got to spend reconnecting with distant relatives, but then as soon as there was down time (read: endless football), Tim and I got out our laptops and caught up on work. It felt so great to not have to stress about getting behind on deadlines and still make some holiday memories with the people I love so much.

All was going swimmingly until Monday afternoon, when I realized that my driver's license was missing. We searched for it exhaustively and when I stopped to account for all the different places it might be, I realized I could have left it in Illinois, Georgia, Alabama, or my dad's car which had already been driven back to Florida...and we had a flight to catch back to Chicago the next day and I had no other forms of identification to use to get me through airport security. Eventually my dad found my license under the passenger seat of his car (in Florida) and was able to email me a scanned copy of it to try to show TSA the next day. I lost a bit of sleep that night wondering what was going to happen once we got to the airport, but that was needless because the TSA supervisor on duty actually let me through with nothing more than a color copy of my license and a couple of credit cards with my name on them. Who knew!

written resources

I've been reading a lot of books this past year that have really helped me get informed and prepared for childbearing and rearing. I've also read a few that freaked me out and didn't help at all, but I'm not sharing those. These are the good ones:

This book taught me more about how my body works than I ever could have figured out on my own (or from a health class, or from a doctor's visit). I wish I had read it long before I got married. Plus, I couldn't do synthetic hormone birth control, so the information in here was a lifesaver for staying not pregnant as long as I wanted to and then achieving pregnancy when we were ready.

I think all women should read this book, if only to really appreciate how amazing and fully capable our bodies are of birthing babies. It was fascinating and gave me so much confidence in approaching birth. I've already surrendered my copy to a pregnant friend and I think I need to buy another just to give away again. 

I found this book on the required reading list for Doulas. It's pretty old, and I was continually surprised at how much it emphasizes positive thinking and visualization as a vital tool in childbirth. But everything I've learned since then about birth from my healthcare providers has followed along pretty well with everything I read in this here. So great. 

Once I have this baby, I sincerely hope that we can get sleep under control during the first year. I think Tim and I will be better parents if we can get good rest. I've talked to lots of moms who used the information in this book to sleep train their babies into sleeping all night by 7-8 weeks. My hopes are high!

As much as I observe from other people and hear advice like "girl, your life is gonna CHANGE!", living with a newborn is still a great mystery to me. What do babies do all day? What will I be doing all day? This book simply told the story of days with a baby, and how a parent's life changes and characters develop through the struggle and triumph of the first year. I love Anne Lamott. She reminds me that it's okay to be human and fragile and make mistakes without living in guilt, a skill that I think will be really important in early motherhood. This is a non-fiction memoir from a grandmother's perspective. 

The vaccine question. It's such a loaded gun these days, and had me really stressed at the beginning of my pregnancy. My advice is just to do as much of your own research as possible--in books AND current events, because this developing issue is in the news pretty regularly--and go with whatever solution fits your family's needs. Remember that air travel with a baby is a huge factor to consider when deciding if you're going to vaccinate. This book helped me a lot.

[one resource that I would highly recommend NOT using is the documentary on this subject called the Vaccine Wars. My personal opinion is that it does not present well-balanced or well-researched information.]

Personally, I loved this book because it shed light on my own experience of growing up in France with American parents, but I think it could be beneficial for all-American families too just because most cultures can learn so much from each other if we're willing to pay attention to another way of doing most anything, including parenting. I wouldn't say France does all things well in raising children, but I wouldn't say America does either. There's a lot of fascinating information in this book. And it's an entertaining read.

Okay, I haven't read this book yet, but it's been recommended to me by so many parents I admire that I will definitely be reading it in the future.

the labor scare that almost stole Thanksgiving

We had an eventful Monday in the Tab home. 

On Sunday night, I started having some lengthy bouts of Braxton Hicks contractions. It seemed like every time I stood up or walked around the apartment, I would get a contraction. So over the course of the evening I tried to stay as still and relaxed as possible to keep them away, but then they started coming back to back. I wasn't too worried because they weren't painful and even though they were frequent, they weren't growing in intensity. Tim had been out of town and I was anxious to pick him up from the airport when he arrived at midnight and have him back home.

The next morning they started coming again--before I had even gotten out of bed. I decided to start timing them to see what the pattern was and I was surprised that the first one I timed lasted over 5 minutes, with only a 30 second break before another one came. Thankfully, I already had a regularly scheduled appointment for that afternoon, so I knew I could get some advice on how to handle all this false labor. I went about my morning, but got a little alarmed when one contraction started as I got in the shower and didn't end until after I had finished showering, gotten dressed, and blow-dried my hair. It had lasted at least 15 minutes. But still, they didn't hurt, so it still really seemed like those "practice" contractions I had read about that don't lead to real labor.

Tim and I went to the Starbucks next door to the midwive's office to kill some time before my appointment, and while I was sipping my chai, I got hit with a really painful contraction that slowly grew in intensity so much that I couldn't respond to what Tim was saying to me until it was over. Then right away another one came and again I couldn't talk through it and had to really focus on breathing through the pain. I got scared.

We had plans to fly down to Georgia and Alabama today to celebrate two separate Thanksgivings with my all of my extended family over the course of the week, and by the time we walked over to the midwive's office, I was nearly sure we couldn't go. The rest of the week was starting to look like bedrest and a Thanksgiving TV dinner for us...or something. I am 33 and a half weeks pregnant, so a pre-term labor at this point would be serious, fearful business. I tried not to think about it and just prayed prayers of thankfulness that I already had an appointment to get help before all of this happened. I was just worried that when we got to the office, I wouldn't be able to accurately explain all that was happening or I wouldn't be taken seriously. 

None of those fears materialized. As soon as I got to talk with one of my midwives, I was presented with options: she could do a cervix check, an ultrasound, a fetal fibronectin test, and a non-stress test on the baby that would also monitor the intensity of my contractions. "I'll take one of each, please!". It took over two and a half hours of testing, but we all learned for absolute certain that I wasn't in trouble, despite the painful contractions I had felt earlier. No other signs pointed to real labor. The baby's position was high up and breech, nowhere near ready to come out. By the time I sat back in the recliner to get hooked up to the fetal monitor to gage the contractions, I was so relaxed and relieved that I didn't have a single one for the thirty minute monitoring session. The baby's heart-rate was perfect.We were highly encouraged to go on with our travel plans.

As we were on our way out, one of the midwives asked me: "Have you been drinking at least 80 ounces of water every day?" No. Definitely not. Not even close. "Have you been under any additional stress?" Maybe that time earlier in the weekend when Tim had to fly to California to do a shoot and I disintegrated into the likes of a pitiful pup with separation anxiety over him being so far away? I was hoping to keep that whole incident private...but my body eventually told on me. So I went out and bought an adult sippy cup a Camelbak water bottle to keep full and nearby for the next 7 weeks, and I'm making big efforts to not stress about the next big thing that I could be stressing about: a breech baby.

I'm happy to report that we made it to Atlanta tonight to start the grand week of quality family time that I so look forward to every year. I'm still getting contractions, but they're painless (if not tiring) and I'm so glad to know they're harmless. My fetal fibronectin test came back negative this morning so I know for sure my body isn't remotely ready to have this baby yet, which is the greatest relief, because we both need at LEAST 4 more weeks of this pregnancy to have a healthy baby.

Happy Thanksgiving!

showered! again!

Tim and I were insanely blessed last weekend to have another shower thrown for us by dear family and friends. Paul and Amanda really outdid themselves with the planning, decor, food, games, and so many much needed gifts.

It was such a sweet time of fellowship with our closest friends in Wheaton. We almost forgot to stop partying to open presents.  

I'm not usually one for shower games (I probably made one too many toilet paper wedding dresses in my time), but these games were cool. The top photo is the baby picture game. Every attendee brought a baby picture of themselves and we had to guess who was who, with the help of a name bank. The below photo is The Price is Right, where everyone had to guess how much all the combined items cost. I probably loved this game because I got to take home all the items at the end :) They were mostly things that I didn't know I needed (butt paste? portable diaper trash bags? special baby Q-tips?) or didn't know which brand to buy (diapers and pacifiers: I had no idea where to even start), so walking out of there with it all bagged up for me was really helpful. 

Amazing cake, no? You should make friends with your local Whole Foods Cake Decorator and invite him to your parties. That's what we do.

Fall wardrobe tip: these cardigans are at Target and they're like $22. All your friends are wearing them...or maybe that's just me.

Really, it was such a swell time. Tim and I walked away that night feeling our first sense of "readiness" for New Tab to arrive. Between our own purchases, the two showers, and some early Christmas presents, we have all the must-haves: crib, stroller, car-seat, rocking chair, a few gender neutral outfits to get us started, some nursing and diapering essentials...that's all you need to bring home a baby, right? I hope so.

A word about the registry process: it was so overwhelming for me! And as I got started with some  early research on products I had a sneaking suspicion that the baby industry was out to try to fool me into thinking I had to have all their stuff just as like the wedding industry tried to do. Sneaky advertising campaigns. Plus, I just didn't have the time to tackle it during wedding season. My solution was to hand the bar-code scanner to my mother. I figured; she raised three babies, she knows what I need better than I do. We chose a nationwide chain store (Target) because she's in Florida and I'm in Illinois, and she picked out all of the things she knew I would really need. It turned out to be a great experience for her to get into the groove of grandmotherhood and it helped me so much. Then I went online and made the changes I wanted to the registry that she started for me. I also paid attention to what my friends use the most with their babies, asked them lots of questions, and even looked up their still-active registries online for specific product information when I needed it. 

from venice

Heyo! We're in Florida. This was our first wedding-less weekend since August, and Southwest had a deal so we flew down on the cheap. 

I highly recommend talking your parents into moving somewhere with a beach. Between that and my mom's dishwasher and in-home laundry machines, it's going to be a teensy bit hard going back to Chicago.

This is me with my mom. She's a full time nurse and a part time professor and a part time student finishing up her Master's degree. She also clears her whole schedule when her kids come home to visit. She's completely awesome.

Add in Dad. He can't keep any secrets ever and really loves to make jokes. I was afraid that he might make a joke about my big pregnant belly when he picked us up at the airport and I was also afraid I might be hungry after getting off the plane where they only feed people peanuts on four hour long flights and I was afraid I might kill him if those two potential circumstances came to pass, so I warned him ahead of time to zip it and provide me food lest I become hangry (= hungry + angry), and he did both very well. So he's awesome too. 

What a hunk. Tim has been working so hard since March. Much harder than me, that's for sure, because he carried my work load when I was busy being sick for five months (which is over now, thank God!). He's had so many weeks packed with shoots (read: weeks with little time to catch up on editing) that have necessitated more than a few all-nighters lately. We've been looking forward to this trip as the light at the end of the tunnel of wedding season and it makes me very glad to see him with his relaxed vacation face on. I love that face.

Our work is our bread and butter, and it's damn good work to have. We are blessed and thankful and so happy. We wake up in love every day and relish spending all of our minutes together, toiling our little business, lifting each other to high places and carrying each other through the low spots. I'm still in awe of the goodness of God because none of these things that I have in my life is fair or deserved. I just found it, like a pearl in a field. I gave up everything I had for it, and got back so much more than I surrendered.

Here's the 31 week belly, you guys. I'm ready for it to stop growing, but we have a ways to go. New Tab's been rolling around like crazy and I'm trying so hard to get to know this baby inside me. Is that a foot or an elbow? A hick-up or a kick? Am I carrying a boy or a girl?
Some of my mom's friends threw me a shower this week. They gave me some precious books and yellow ducky baby sized towels and obscure advice from the other side, like "drink in every minute!", "you'll have all you need when you need it", "your birth will be your birth",  and "just take it one day at a time". But I also got some literal pointers too, like "order your diapers off amazon", "expect to wear your maternity clothes for a few months after the birth", and "don't compare yourself to anyone else". I'm very grateful for those ladies and this vacation. It's nice to feel rested and surrounded at a time like this.