Megan

My sister and I used to love to dress up in my mom's old bride's maid dresses and perform this little song and dance when we were little.



Which is pretty funny, because Meg used to practically pull my hair out for wearing her clothes.
We thought adulthood would be all dancing and dresses and men adoring us.

huh haha

• If I don't have a humidifier, will setting a bowl of water in front of my space heater work just as well?

• I think it's funny that I don't get internet when I sit indian-style under my laptop, but I do when I straighten my legs out.

*my room is so ghetto

in case of an emergency

I hate the emergency contact list. Whenever I fill out a form to participate in something here in KC, I have to name a person who would come to the hospital for me if something bad happened. I never know who to write. I had a motherly friend here in town who would know what to do in a hospital, but she moved to Korea. Then I have another motherly friend that I could name, but she’s dealing with cancer right now and she’s probably sick of hospitals.

Sometimes when I was little, I would wake up in the middle of the night and my mom would be standing in my doorway. She is a light sleeper, and if anything ever wakes her up at night she takes advantage of the opportunity to walk around the house and check on her kids, make sure we're still safe and peaceful in our beds.
It always made me feel secure, and when I got older I never dared sneak out at night, mostly because it would hurt her and nothing out there felt as good as the love I had at home.

I wonder why it took me 3 years of living 1,100 miles away from my mom to remember these things, and what that means about me as a daughter.
And I think the devil is a real bastard for waking me up at 6:12 am to whisper fear in my ear when I don’t have to participate in this weary world until 7:30.

It’s okay though, because I have friends who would probably be glad to come for me in an emergency. And now the only Person who watches over me at night doesn’t sleep. He who watches never sleeps. And if the devil wakes me up early to tell me that I am alone, I’ll just sing a song about strong love and he won’t like that very much.

sack blocks

I have these black mary-jane flats that I really like to wear. Kim has them too. It snowed last night, and I wanted to wear those shoes this morning. I would have been fine if I had worn socks, but they would have to be black and I hate wearing black socks. I had to wear black socks every day to work for 5 years. I would get up in the morning, wear whatever I wanted, and be whoever I wanted until I had to go to work. My day changed when I had to take of my own clothes and put on a uniform. Take off my own self and put on my work self.
So now I have a new job where I don’t have to say stock phrases and wear stock smiles, and I can wear whatever kinds of socks I want.
I have a whole drawer full of black socks, and I hate them. So today I wore my flats with no socks in the snow. It was stupid. I got snow all in my shoes and my feet were cold all day, but I didn’t wear black socks. And that part was nice.
I think I might be very stubborn.

Reason #642 why I love being a girl

sunday, 11:07 pm

Morgan: "I know it's really late, but do you want to hang out?"

Me: "I just came in my room to crawl into bed. Want to come over and crawl in my bed?"

Morgan: "Oh! Can I? Really?"




We talked till 1am.
Oh my Morgan.

Sad day at a girl house

Dear Kansas City; please get ready for me

I know I've been less than regularly present with you since I came here three years ago. You've had all these great community events and friend parties I couldn't attend. I'm really sorry. I wanted to be there. I got every e-vite and phone call, and expectantly flipped through my planner to write it in, only to realize I couldn't come. It got tiring, I know. Some of you stopped asking because I always said no. I wasn't making up excuses, I promise. I've improved a little over the last year, but that's just because I switched from working full-time to part-time. Here's the sweet stuff:
I am pleased to announce to you that I will finish college on December 18th, and I worked my last night AND weekend yesterday. It's almost over.
Come January, I won't have class till dark on Mondays and Wednesdays. I won't have to make the most of Friday nights because I won't have to work on Saturdays. I won't have to spend Sundays doing homework. I WILL be at your birthday party.
Want to go to lunch? No no, I'm not working the restaurant anymore, I want to meet you there and sit with you! See, I got a big-girl job! In an office! Nine to five!
Oh, it will be glorious.
I will have a routine. I will be able to afford a gym membership. I will "need" to go shopping. I will redecorate my room for the first time since I was 18. I will have the luxury of not going to work when I'm sick. I will get labor day off. I will sleep in on Saturdays. I will wear jeans to work on Fridays. I will go away for the weekend. I will read books for pleasure. I will not deplete my savings account at the beginning of every semester.
These are my blessings, and I'm counting them.
Weeeeeeee!!!