just another post on my medical terminology class

But seriously. This word is ridiculous.
I love it.

does this make my bag look big?

Be honest.

schmesolution.

One of my new year's resolutions was to be a little more put-together. You know. Wear make-up. Fix my hair. Something.

Well, I'm not sorry to report that it's November and I am sitting in the library wearing hand-me-down jeans, an ancient hoodie (I'm talking middle school, people), and no makeup. To be completely transparent, I didn't shower today. Even contacts were too much for me to deal with and so I'm wearing my glasses.

It's just the way I am. Is this wrong? I refuse to believe it should be my lot in life to spend precious minutes matching colors and painting on powders and blotting lipstick. I don't know. I could be wrong. This is why I left the south. 

My sister came to visit last January. She and Dad drove 12 hours through a snow storm to get to Kansas City. I knew they would be exhausted and stressed when they arrived. As soon as they piled in the door, I greeted them with hugs and offered food, a hot drink, my warm bed, the bathroom, whatever they needed to rest from their long and arduous journey. My sweet sister looked at me with sparkling blue eyes framed with eye-liner and mascara and asked: "Do you have any hair-spray?" 

I blinked at her a couple of times, then turned silently and walked down the hall where I rummaged deep into the contents of my bathroom closet until I came up with a can of old, cheap hairspray. I handed it to her and watched as she stood in front of my mirror and liberally sprayed the liquid glue all over her head, shaking her blonde curls like Farrah Fawcett in a summer breeze. There was a look of tranquility on her face. When she was done, she turned to me and said; "It just doesn't feel right without hair-spray". 

Someone tell me how we're related.

here goes nothing

This weekend, I got to attend the 16th Annual Midwest Child Life Conference. It was my first experience at a Child Life event with Child Life people in a Child Life setting. As I was getting ready for the first morning's session, I felt a little bit like I was headed into the first day at a new school. Luckily, I've done that a few other times in my life (9, actually), so I adopted the old familiar "fake it till you make it" attitude.
I would just like to say that after two days of hearing from and being around Child Life Specialists, I have come to the conclusion that this field is full of incredibly intelligent, beautiful, compassionate, and strong women. Yes, women. The only man I saw all weekend was the tech support fellow who had to run all over the hospital getting microphones and projectors to work for us. This job is to women as fire fighting is to men.
I am both terrified and delighted at all this is going to require of me. I'm going to have to explore the tragic depths of what it means to nurture and support a child through traumatic circumstances. My daily task list could involve anything from distracting a child during a spinal tap, to facilitating a play group for kids receiving chemo, to helping parents explain to their child what their diagnoses means, to holding babies in the NICU when parents have to leave to go to work.
I've had more than one moment already where I've stopped to ask myself just who I think I am to think I could possibly handle this responsibility. I'm not sure. I don't even know if I'll get through to the end of the process. I still have to complete a practicum, then an internship, and then a certification exam before even looking for a job. But I'm excited see what happens and how I learn and grow throughout the process.
Here goes nothing.

this muscle is genius

I just learned the basics of the human cardio-pulmonary system, and that information has me in awe that I am alive.
For every minute of the last 24 years, my heart has worked constantly to pump oxygen-needy blood to my lungs, then bring it back--bright red and full of life--and send it all the way to the very tips of my fingers and toes. Then it starts the cycle all over again.
This muscle is genius.
My choice and consciousness have nothing to do with the process. It just happens, and it has just been happening absolutely perfectly since before I was born. Thank you, dear heart. You're doing a great job. At beating.

One time I put on my mom's stethoscope and listened to my own heart. It was jarring; that unfamiliar, quick, regular little drum I got to hear. My vitality in a sound I could plug into my ears, like a song on my ipod or something.
Hearing someone else's heart is a trip, too. It's an intimate thing. Only the privileged get listening access to that sacred rhythm. My friend Laura is a nurse, and she had a patient whose wife grew worried when she leaned her head against her husband's chest and noticed that his heart beat sounded didn't sound the same as it usually did. He went to the hospital and found out that he needed an immediate quadruple bi-pass surgery.
I love that story.

Reactions to "Runaway" video by Kanye West

Watch the full length video here.

Okay Kanye, here's what I think:

Your new video is a stunning work of art, no doubt about it. What you've done in "Runaway" is going to be important for a long time. I'm pretty sure my kids will be writing history papers on the social commentary you have going on here.

I just have a few questions and comments:

• Your phoenix girlfriend is very pretty, but what's up with the extreme sexual objectification of the woman you love? Thanks for letting her express herself with spoken language for 48 seconds of your 35 minute video, but I feel like she's really just present in this film to dance provocatively to your remixes and celebrate your appreciation for breast implants. Also: that little bit you sang about slapping her around pissed me off.
• Please just tell me what you're saying about race relations in this film. I'm seeing glorification of the Ku Klux Klan and the N-word and I just don't understand. Is this progress?
• Thanks for the ballet scene. It was incredible. I appreciate the honesty in the lyrics of "Runaway". That's some tough subject matter, but it's relevant to your target audience.
• About that Michael Jackson moment: you're saying you're the next MJ. Am I right?
• Your idea of community with all the friends at the long table breaking bread together was beautiful. I loved it. Now, your lyrics to "Devil in a New Dress" are rumored to be offensive to Christians: "You love Jesus, but you've learned a lot from Satan...I see good Christians makin' brash decisions...May the Lord forgive us, May God be with us." As a Christian myself, I'm not offended by your criticism of hypocrisy. I would be offended if you criticised my God, but you didn't. So we're cool.

I know you're always feeling misunderstood by the world, and this video is an expression of that. You're the phoenix who is awesome and complex and constantly needing to reinvent herself. I get it.

Mr. West, you're such an incredible influence on young people in the world. I know you care about the next generation or you wouldn't have had that scene where the free spirit child is running with that gorgeous red cloud behind him. But here's what I think: kids actually don't have to trade their free spirits for cult driven hate costumes like you portrayed by putting a KKK hat on little kid's head. The influence of your media makes a huge difference in how kids see themselves and who they grow up to be, so why use your talents to lock them into a prison they didn't know existed in the first place? You know? Leave the bad stuff for the history books and write something new and inspiring for the kiddies.

no bad news

Friends, I have something exciting to tell you.
Remember how I had an idea of a new career I wanted to pursue a few months ago? I'm doing it. It will take me another year to learn what I need to know and complete requirements for it, but I am on my way to becoming a Child Life Specialist.
I had this job once for about 5 years where I got to work with young people, and I loved it very much. I would like to do it again. There's no kid in the world who isn't going through major transition--all the time--and the best parents and teachers need help from others to pour time and attention into them so they can make it to adulthood in one piece. I want to do that for kids who are sick. So I am going to.
I found out this weekend that I got accepted into a practicum program at one of the finest children's hospitals in the country. It starts next Spring and it is right here where I live.
Now, that's no bad news.