lame

I skipped my first class of the semester today.
I can always tell what kind of semester it's going to be by how long it takes me to skip my first class.

-However-

My roommate has been hidden in her room with the plague for the last week and I felt it coming on. So I left school.
And ate chicken soup.
Now I feel just fine and dandy.
Except that it's 57 degrees in my house.

-THE END-

{insert embarrassing childhood sunday school skit photo to make lame post more interesting}

What I learned at school today

I recommend:

Packing your friends in tightly together.
It's more fun that way.

I don't recommend:

Accidentally clicking on the hindi language button on your blogger toolbar
इ हवे नो आईडिया वहत थे हेल इस गोइंग ओं विथ माय कीबोर्ड रिघ्त नो

Translation: I don't know what the hell is going on with my keyboard right now.

You can make it through monday, friends.

on Luke 8

Jesus and his friends got in a boat and sailed to a place called Gadarenes. As soon as they got out of the boat, a local freak walked up and started shouting at them. This guy was naked and he was some sub-breed of homeless because he lived in tombs with dead bodies. Oh, and he was dragging broken chains around on his hands and feet (I imagine some kind of Barney Fife tried to lock him up at some point).
So anyway, he sees Jesus, comes up to him, collapses on the ground, and screams: “What have I to do with you? You’re the son of the Most High God. Please don’t hurt me!”
The deal was that this guy had demons harassing him and taking control of him and making him do things he didn’t want to do, like sleep with dead bodies and break the law. So I don’t think it was the man yelling, I think it was the demon inside him who was communicating with Jesus.
Then Jesus asks the man his name, and he says it is Legion, because there are lots of demons inside him.
Then the demons keep begging for mercy from Jesus, because he had commanded them to leave Legion’s body. They didn’t want to go back to hell and asked Jesus if they could go take over some pigs instead, and Jesus said fine. So the demons left Legion and went into this herd of pigs, who immediately stampeded down a hill, into a lake, and drowned.

This whole pig spectacle drew some attention and the guys who were keeping the pigs ran over to where Jesus was to figure out why their pigs suddenly got so suicidal. When they got to Jesus, they found Legion; fully clothed, sitting down, talking to Jesus, in his right mind.
This scene freaked them out more than the pig incident, and since Jesus seemed to be the common denominator with all the commotion, they asked him to leave, assuming life would get back to normal then. So he did. He got back in his boat with his friends and went to leave. But Legion asked to stay with Jesus and Jesus said no, that he had to go and Legion had to stay behind and tell his family and friends about what happened. So Legion did tell everyone because he was so excited to be free. I bet he probably got a new name too, because the old one didn’t seem to apply anymore.

Ok, now, this is what I notice about this story.
Let’s start with Legion: Legion is gross.
He does stuff that is socially unacceptable. He is scary. No one wants to get close to him. I’m sure his family disowned him and I’ll bet he had totally given up on himself. He probably wanted to die really badly but couldn’t, so he just hung out with dead people to try and feel dead, but he still had all these demons messing with him and he couldn’t get rid of them on his own.

Enter Jesus.

We know that Jesus is a popular fellow because he’s already healed some people and told some good stories, but we also know that he was just a poor, ordinary-looking guy with no paparazzi or limo following him around, just his 12 bumbling buddies.
I don’t know if Legion had heard about Jesus before, but I’m guessing he hadn’t, because no one wants to sit at the lunch table and have a conversation with Legion. He might break you, or share his demons with you, or smell like dead people. So Legion probably didn't know about Jesus' reputation.
--anyways--
Something about Jesus makes Legion come running, and then the demons inside him start freaking out and begging for mercy and admitting out loud how important and glorious Jesus is and how they are no match for him.

Then Jesus asks Legion what his name is. And since Jesus is Jesus, he already knows what Legion’s name is. Actually, he knows what Legion’s real name is, before he became stinky-scary-Legion-who-sleeps-with-dead-bodies, back when Legion was a fun little kid. But Jesus asks Legion to identify himself out loud, and Legion says that he’s the guy everyone tells him he is: screwed up and demon-possessed.

The next thing that happens is that Jesus has mercy on the demons. The evil spirits who used to be angels in heaven but who decided to partner with Satan against God and work to mess up the earth by screwing with people like Legion and making right things wrong. Keep in mind that Jesus had just finished a forty-day fast ending with Satan tempting Him in the desert. And since Jesus is fully God, he knows for sure how bad these demons are, and since he is fully man, he’s got some fresh negative memory association with Satan and how he worked him over in the desert.
But.
Jesus has mercy on the demons, because he remembers who they used to be too, before they were demons, when he created them at the beginning of time, and he understands why they don’t want to go back to hell to where Satan is, so Jesus feels sorry for them and lets them go into those pigs instead. His goal is to set Legion free from the evil that is in him because he asked Jesus for mercy.
Oh wait, was that Legion talking or the demon inside him? I’m not sure now, it was Legion’s lips moving, but who was inspiring the content? Legion or the demons? I don’t think it matters to Jesus. He gave mercy to everyone involved in asking the question.

It seems to me that Jesus’ priority here is justice for Legion (the oppressed), so he has to make the demons go. But he does it in a way that he accomplishes his will with the least possible amount of pain even for the demons. Crazy.

Next? The locals show up and want an explanation. Instead they find Legion, whom they’ve always known as the unpredictable freak who lives in the cemetery, dressed and calm and sitting quietly with Jesus.
Looking at it from my perspective, it’s a great happy ending. A wrong thing made right. But from their perspective, it was something that was completely out of their normality. Legion had apparently been possessed for quite a while and everyone had gotten used to him being the way he always was. Maybe they liked him hanging out in the tombs. Maybe Legion was like some kind of dangerous watchdog for the edge of their town. I don’t know.
But they didn’t like the change, and they figured it was Jesus’ fault, so they asked him to leave.
And, ever the gentleman, Jesus does leave, because He never stays where he is not wanted.
And Legion begs his only friend to stay, and Jesus says no, that Legion’s job is to tell everyone what happened.
And so Legion does go and cry freedom to his town, with all the enthusiasm of someone who just got out of jail, and just got healed, and just got saved.

And a lot of times, I feel like Legion after he was set free.
And I act like the locals when something comes up that I don’t understand.
And Jesus is ever-patient with me.
And always a gentleman.

love146

"It takes a personal encounter with injustice to engage in the fight against it. And if you so isolate yourself that you never have a personal encounter with injustice, then that in itself is a deep injustice."

Rob Morris.
1/17/09

teacher? teacher?

Dear History of Christianity Professor;
You put me to sleep. Talk louder please.

Dear Foundations of Logic Professor;
You can't fool me. I've figured out that you are actually a very wonderful man who is trying to disguise himself as a jerk. I like you anyway.

Dear Film Professor;
Your joke about being too delicate for watching horror films was funny. You're one tough broad.

Dear History of Judaism Professor;
You are smarter than you give yourself credit for. Teach me more please.

Love,
Bethany

On asking directions

So, women have a clock, and men have a compass. Biological, that is, ticking and tinkering inside us. One tells me I’m leaving my prime, the other tells you where to go and how to get places at all times, which is why you never stop to ask.

Hhmmph.

My point is this, boys: when I ask you for directions and ya’ll start going all north south east and west on me, it’s over.

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Do you have some 3-D holographic imaging going on in your head? Do you look for moss growing on trees? Is the earth's magnetic field pulling you in a distinct fashion? I don’t have any of that. Give me rights, lefts, landmarks, street names, whose car is parked out front…something recognizable!

I don’t know what my deal is, but I’ve never been good at global positioning. I’m sorry.
Wait, I take that back. I was good at it in Florida, where there was only north and south to deal with, and I had the beach on one side of me to hint at the west. And I disguised my dilemma when I lived in Colorado. Those beautiful Rockies did all the work for me. But now here in this landlocked Missouri city, where everywhere is a building and a winding road and highways go in circles…it’s just not happening.

In my mind….I was one place, then I took a few turns, and now I’m somewhere else. I have NO IDEA which direction I’m pointing my nose after that. Roads curve, turns must be taken, wrong turns must be corrected by U-turns. Then what am I to do?

He: “So Bethany, where in Florida are you from?”
Me: “About halfway down on the left side.”

He: “Do you live on the north or south side of Red Bridge?”
Me: “Next to the house with all the toys out front, on the yard art street. You’ll find a miniature gnome wearing sunglasses outside my front door.”

Jeremy: “We’re at the corner of 83rd and Wenonga.”
Me: “Sweet.”
Jeremy: “But there’s two Wenongas. We’re on the one that faces north, set back from the road, you won’t be able to see cars out front. Head north off 435 west, turn west on 83rd, then north on the right Wenonga.”
Me: ---mapquesting---as I “mmhmm”, “gotcha”, and “ok” to him over the phone


I do pretty well despite my land logic deficiency, I think. I always get where I need to go. Eventually.

My GPS is getting fixed and will be back with me very soon. Bless my mother.

mountains, I love you.

Me: "Carrie, you have an eyelash on your cheek."

We were lounging on our bed in the Trail West lodge somewhere in the Rocky mountains of Colorado, girl-talking about the past and present and Jesus and other boys.
I picked it off her face and told her to make a wish.

Carrie: "What do you mean? What are you going to do with it?"

I held it between my thumb and index finger.

Me: "Pick a finger and make a wish, and when I open my hand if it's on the finger you chose then your wish will come true."

Carrie, chooses my thumb and yells: "I wish we could stay here forever!!!"

I opened my hand and she was right.

"YEAH!!"

And we laughed and played for a little while before we had to pack up and come home.