Fourth Trimester

Our little girl is 5 weeks old, and she's been busy teaching us how to be her parents. The three of us all have had a stack of learning to do and we're making good progress.

Liesel has learned how to breastfeed, stay asleep for 5-7 hours overnight, use her fingers to clutch at whatever comes near her hand, and smile. She's also learned how to make my heart soar when she starts gasping with excitement when she's hungry and I pick her up because she knows I'm the one who makes it better. 

I've also learned how to breastfeed. Additionally I now know how to hold her like she likes to be held, get all her burps out, keep her healthy despite this darn flu epidemic, and have just a little more patience than I did yesterday. 

Tim has learned how to play umpteen lullabies on the piano, and be the diaper master, super soother, and ultimate breakfast in bed maker (though he probably already knew how to do that). We are all getting along swimmingly. 

I'm almost healed, thanks be to God. Can I just say: women's bodies are incredible. I can't believe that most women on the planet go through this incredible, difficult, confounding process and we don't make a bigger deal out of it. We should stare in wonder at every person we encounter, thinking; "Someone carried you, birthed you, nursed you, and kept you safe from mortal danger throughout your entire childhood! That is amazing!" Mother's Day should be up there with Christmas. There should be expectant mother and new mother and all mother parking spots in every parking lot. There should be changing tables in every bathroom. I'm getting carried away here. 

Back to Liesel. Just look at this girl. She slays me.

This has been the settling month. Being the mother to a newborn has been much easier for me than being pregnant. All the difficulty of the last nine months is assuaged and salved by her very presence in the little white bassinet that rests on my side of the bed.

I get such a kick out of every little detail about her from her tiny toes to her long dark hair. Her beautiful face is both familiar and ever-changing. Her expressions are hilarious. Her tiny personality is one I'm dying to know and learn. It kills me when she cries. I love taking care of her needs. She is everything. If I start thinking about it, I can't even hold myself together. 

I've finally been able to name and number all the fears I had about parenthood and put many of them in their proper place: away. 

When we took Liesel to her one month pediatrician appointment, there were two darling little twin boys in the waiting room. When the nurse called them back with their parents, both boys immediately started asking if they were going to be getting a shot. It was sad. But the adults handled their question with wisdom: "not right now" was the answer I heard them give the boys more than once. Not right now. You don't need to be afraid right now. The truth is that the boys probably were going to get a shot that day, but there was no point in them being anxious about it for more than a minute before it was over. I took a lesson from watching that scene. I'm still worried about how Liesel will handle being in her own room next week, and how she'll respond to the travel plans we have to introduce her to her family far away, and where she's going to go to school, and if we'll be able to give her a house with a yard to play in and a college education...but I don't need to worry about any of that right now. I just need to love on and enjoy my newborn baby. And that's easy.