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Sunday, June 16, 2013

Father's Day 2013

It seemed like the third time in as many days that we had to backtrack, break down the miscommunication, apologize to each other, offer reassurance, make a new plan, and then try to invent humor or romance out of dry air to move forward with our evening together on a positive note. This from a couple who usually never fights.

Unaccustomed to my happily ever after being shaken up, I wanted to know what the deal was.

"I'm trying to be everything I need to be here. It's hard."

I suddenly saw him as I first saw him, and realized in a moment how much he has had to change for us. The first time I met him he was 24 and still wearing his college wardrobe, almost hyperactively trying to impress me. His business was just taking off and he had more money than he knew what to do with. He cut his own hair, spent all his time with his friends, and had more light moments than serious ones. He could get his work done in one sitting without getting interrupted. His most important family role was to be a good son. He was always available when a friend needed him and he saw all the new movies when they came out in theaters. His actions affected only himself. His highest degree of responsibility was to his clients. There were no life or death situations. No one depended on him to be able to eat. He spent every day fending off boredom, and he did it well.

Everything since then has changed, and I suddenly felt sad for asking this of him. As I went along marrying him and making him a father, I didn't really think about how I was also urging him into heavier and heavier responsibility. Before me sits the complete package: loving husband, dependable provider, joyful dad, constant companion, dream chaser. He works so hard for us to be all that he is.

"I'm sorry you had to give up your easy life for this."

And then the same boyish grin and sparkling eyes I saw at my front door on the first night I met him smiled at me and said: "I'm not."


  1. So sweet. And I recognize that background. :)

  2. This is my favorite. Also, I think the 4-6 month mark of the first baby is the hardest on a marriage (I'm still neck-deep in field research when it comes to the second baby so I'll fill you in a year or so down the line!). For us it was at least. It was when Lila started to sleep more, eat less and had a schedule developing. It was like we both came up for air and looked at each other like, "oh hi there! You're still here!" And all the old small conflicts that we thought had disappeared had really just taken a back seat to more pressing problems like only sleeping three hours a night. All that to say, when Lila was 5 months old we started going to counseling and it was awesome. It was so good to intentionally reconnect with one another. I'm not saying you need it (although I think everyone could benefit from having a third party help you process stuff) but what I am saying is if it's hard right now, that's okay and it will get easier. This is when the good work happens. Oh. And Liesel is the cutest little chubster ever. The end. PS: happy Father's Day, Tim!

  3. So happy that Tim asked you to live life together.