Orual

"I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?"
C.S. Lewis

me: "i just emailed you a link"

dad: "sausage?"

la musique

I put myself on a Patty G fast. I've been listening to her way too much.
I get obsessed.
It's kind of ruling my life right now.
My roommate suffers. "Buy it!" I cry. "Sing your grief! scream it! it's therapy!" and I don't stop until she does.

Her songs will pop in my head and then I sing them out loud when I think no one is around. Watch, I'll get caught.
I don't pay attention in class because I'm constantly writing and rewriting the lyrics.
I sit down to work on being an amazingly poetic communicator of human emotion like her. I fail. Then I cry. Then I play "crying over" and begin the whole process again.


anyways.




This morning I bought the new Coldplay album to red herring my addiction. I know, it's been out a while already. I just needed a little motivation.
That painting looks familiar. French Revolution. Probably something I saw as an ungrateful little world traveler.

THIS is also helping me. the heart is an anchor.
oh i LOVE. Lakes.

ordeals my little teenager friends at work have to deal with:

high school
pregnancy
psychological disorders
poverty
speech impediments
abusive parents
divorce
bills
addictions
parents with addictions
incarcerated parents
diseases
broken hearts


life just isn't fair. and they're so strong and kind and clever.

wednesday

one. my hair is now long enough to be tied up with a pen. glorious convenience.
two. I can't get enough of Patty Griffin's album "Living with Ghosts". I like to scream
along with her as we drive.
three. avocado on toast.
four. my gps finally, completely broke. BUT I found my way from Independance
straight to UMKC using a new shortcut. all by myself.
five. my bike has a flat tire. again.
six. film class tonight!! i love school!!

I love me some communication studies

"Matter, which keeps our souls apart, brings them together. It enables each of us to have an 'outside' as well as an 'inside', so that what are acts of will and thought for you are noises and glances for me; you are enabled not only to be but to appear. And hence, I have the pleasure of making your acquaintance."
C.S. Lewis, Problem of Pain

"We use symbols to create meaning. Then, we use those meanings to create reality. Then we negotiate meaning. Humans are symbol using and abusing animals."
--Jean Dufresne

"Communication is what makes us human"
--my Interpersonal Communications professor

"Rational thought is what makes us human"
--my Philosophy professor

"Rational thought does not make us human, artistic representation makes us human."
--my Film professor

personal opinion: being made in the image of God makes us human

"Thought and speech are God's gift to creatures made in His image; these are intimately associated with Him and impossible apart from Him...We may speak because God spoke. In Him word and idea are indivisible."
A.W. Tozer, Knowledge of the Holy

In Him word and idea are indivisible. Suppose Tozer is completely right. This axiom becomes physical law, and we take it from heaven and bring it down to earth and every thought becomes voice.

(shudder)

How alone I would be.

I never doubt that God hears my thoughts. But I sure don't stop to wonder what He thinks of them unless I am thinking something good, that I want Him to hear.
But I do think some ugly thoughts.

And yet, still He loves.

I recommend

Allow me to elaborate on the monumental deal it is for me to recommend a movie to my dearly beloved readers:

I am a communications major, so therefore I think that television is the spawn of satan. Our society is completely addicted to mass media, which infects viewers with its sick and twisted values, gives us a self-concept built around lies, and generally ruins our ability to think critically. I hate it. I don't watch TV.

BUT.

I liked this movie. It's cute and clean and lovely. Watch it with your grandma. Then eat pancakes.

currently listening to: the roommate laugh ridiculously at whatever the boyfriend says.

Heavenly Day

Beautiful morning.
I was up, showered, laundered, and out by 9 am. Patty Griffin sang me to midtown and I ran into Emily outside of Broadway. I love running into friends unexpectedly. We studied school. Then she left and Dane walked up. Same deal.



A.W. Tozer ripped me up because he told me that having wrong thoughts about God are just as bad as worshipping another God. I'm still chewing on that and trying to swallow it.

Then I ran home and I'm about to leave for work. I hate to trade my sundress for a uniform.
But I love my little worker friends and their complicated teenageness and funniness.


Yesterday my roommate's boyfriend walked in the house while I had on a pasty white facial mask. yay.

My new food phase is fresh peppers with hummus and pine nuts. mmm mmm mmm.......

currently listening to Patty, children running through