I hate the emergency contact list. Whenever I fill out a form to participate in something here in KC, I have to name a person who would come to the hospital for me if something bad happened. I never know who to write. I had a motherly friend here in town who would know what to do in a hospital, but she moved to Korea. Then I have another motherly friend that I could name, but she’s dealing with cancer right now and she’s probably sick of hospitals.
Sometimes when I was little, I would wake up in the middle of the night and my mom would be standing in my doorway. She is a light sleeper, and if anything ever wakes her up at night she takes advantage of the opportunity to walk around the house and check on her kids, make sure we're still safe and peaceful in our beds.
It always made me feel secure, and when I got older I never dared sneak out at night, mostly because it would hurt her and nothing out there felt as good as the love I had at home.
I wonder why it took me 3 years of living 1,100 miles away from my mom to remember these things, and what that means about me as a daughter.
And I think the devil is a real bastard for waking me up at 6:12 am to whisper fear in my ear when I don’t have to participate in this weary world until 7:30.
It’s okay though, because I have friends who would probably be glad to come for me in an emergency. And now the only Person who watches over me at night doesn’t sleep. He who watches never sleeps. And if the devil wakes me up early to tell me that I am alone, I’ll just sing a song about strong love and he won’t like that very much.