auld lang syne

Just a few things....

• I'm going to Colorado in 2 days. Hooray.
• Last night at work I felt like a rock star for not hurting myself after individually sharpening the 15 blades on the tomato slicer. Then I put it back together, tried a tomato, and put a deep slice in, not the tomato, but my finger. Go me. It's ok though, I doctored myself up real nice and didn't get stitches.
• It's not that cold in Kansas City right now.
• Oh yeah. I'm back in Kansas City.
• I've been going to the OneThing conference, and it's been interesting. Provoking.
• I have 3 options for ringing in the new year tonight. Not sure what I'm going to do.
• There are ten people in my house right now. That's why I'm sitting in the University Center.
• I just bought the Bon Iver album and Coldplay's Lost EP (which includes a version of Lost featuring Jay-Z. for serious.) for the roadtrip.

That's all.

Friends, I hope you have a really wonderful and memorable new year.

how do you do?

I'm not speaking much and my mom thinks it's because I'm not having a good time. Not true: I just have the option of being quiet and agenda-less. It's nice.

so this is christmas

And a nice friend took me canoeing.

It's 77 degrees perfect.

perfect

Skylar: "So what is one thing you want for Christmas?"
Me: "Well, what I really need is support for Ethiopia...but I think my parents are getting me a camera."
Mimi and Opa are so special to me

Still listening to Ryan Kondo

soon

I am not dreaming of a white christmas.
I am dreaming of a warm christmas.
This year, I don't care that palm trees are a yuletide buzz-kill. I will NOT complain when a blast of hot humid air hits me as I get off the plane in Tampa this afternoon.

I need family hugs.

Currently listening to Ryan Kondo

{amidst chattering teeth}

It's 3 degrees in Kansas City, with a windchill of -14.
The air is so dry that my nails are cracking and breaking, I'm always thirsty, and my head is crowned in a halo of static flying hair.

I don't feel like I'll ever be warm again.
But I'm three days away from this, so I'll chill out. Ha.

Friends, I've had a perpetually rotten attitude this whole week, but the prayer room is saving my heart. If you ever want to go, I would love to go with you. This girl couldn't get enough.

It is so so good.

Currently listening to Ron Downing

Christmas Break

Currently listening to Jars of Clay-Christmas Songs

Dan Rather: "So when you pray to God, what do you say?"
Mother Theresa: "I listen."
Dan Rather: "And what does He say to you?"
Mother Theresa: "He listens."

CBS interview, 1986

little true story

A couple of weeks ago I was introduced to a guy at church that I had regularly seen for over a year but had never really met.
Then I ran into this new friend at the grocery store a few days later.

Me: big smile "Hi! How are you?"
Him: gives me a weird look "Hi...."

Then he walked away.
*Social rejection*

Oh well. I supposed in his book we were not really friends. Maybe I'm too cheerful late at night in the grocery store.
Then last night this same guy showed up at Carrie's house.
And brought along his identical twin brother.
Ha!

it's a wonderful house

Herein lies a picture tale of what happened

when I returned home from a day full of

studying, finals, snow, and ice:

A perfectly trimmed tree sat in a perfectly clean living room

And plate of perfectly decorated christmas cookies sat in a perfectly clean kitchen. And I thought this could only be because of one person: Sharon Jones. So, to show my love, admiration, and appreciation, I decided to write her a song that started like this:

And ended like that.

And then I felt clever in my kitchen.

And then we all lived happily ever after.

Guess what:

I'm going to Ethiopia.
To spend some time with these good people.
In March.
I'm so excited.

le job

I have to brag on my work just a little bit. Or a lot.
I love my job.
Actually, that’s not accurate. I don’t care for the actual technicality of making food and selling it any more than I care about brussel sprouts. It’s alright.
What I really love is the people I work with, the people I work for, and the purpose behind what we do together.
I get to work in an environment where there is more laughter, positivity, and fun than I experience on my time off. I get challenged every single day to be a better person and help others become better. I get to be a mentor to young people who let me into their lives and want my input. Sometimes it’s more personal fulfillment than I can handle.
I have worked for the same boss for 5 years, and I have never, ever felt that he didn’t trust me.
Most of the time, I think he trusts me too much.
The other leaders with me at work are my best friends. We care deeply about each other, and we submit to each other in all things.

I work for a company that cares more about me as a person than what I can do for them.
This makes me care more about my people than what they can do for me.

I love getting to know a person at work and helping them figure out their strengths so I can help them hone in on what they are best at doing and then let them do it and gain confidence in their abilities.

I really, really love awkward teenagers who have no idea how cool they really are; because when they start working with us, they’re about to figure it out.

It hasn’t always been like this. I’ve wanted to quit more than once for sure, but there are seasons to everything, especially work. I think I am currently in the best one yet.

I am abundantly blessed with my job.

script my life

I haven't felt very blog prolific recently. As you can tell.
It's just that I've been thinking about super deep life stuff recently and, believe me, you don't want in on this well.

So.
I'm sitting in a new coffeeshop. Me likey. Especially because they're petting my current banana phase with a monkey mocha.

Finals are next week. Hence the blogcrastination. I was suddenly hit with the realization that I only publish my thoughts to the world when I'm supposed to be studying.

Speaking of school, next semester I'm cutting it down to 12 hours of school and thirty hours of work per week. It sounds like heaven. By my own calcuation, I can do two 12 hour semesters and a 6 hour summer and graduate next December as planned, and if the counselor disagrees next week and says I need more, I'm still doing it. Life is just not okay when I only get 12 hours of home-and-not-sleeping time per week. I've figured out that my way of doing life these last few months is extremely a little unbalanced and makes me psychotic slightly crazy.

And since I'm done with my communications and gen-ed requirements, I get to take whatever I want! This is good and bad at the same time cause I'm getting carried away with all the goodness available for me to learn. I've kind of been thinking about it nonstop for the last two weeks. Check it out:

• Religion in America
• Medieval Jewish History
• Modern Jewish History
• History of Christianity from the Middle Ages to Present
• Special Topics in Religious Studies: Reformation
• Anthropology of Religion
• Urban Anthropologie
• The Silver Screen and the American Dream
• Film Theory and Criticism
• Colloquium in Interpersonal Dynamics
• Foundations of Logic

Oh I'm so excited. But I can't decide! I have to pick only four of those, and if I want a manageable life back, they have to be Tuesday-Thursday classes at times that are close together. See how hard this is?!!

I just realized that I miss-spelled the word 'anthropology' up there but I'm leaving it to be able to tie in this next bit:
A mother-daughter friendship duo came to visit me these last two days. They're from home. I'm so excited they stayed with me and I got to have dinner with them and show them around my town a little bit. It reminded me that there are really wonderful people in Venice who are running after God's heart with a vengeance. I realized that I have been in this mindset that Kansas City is the only place where the Holy Spirit rests and I have to stay here to keep growing in the Lord and that's just not true.
Oh, the tie-in: thanks Mimi and Darlene for leaving me that amazing soap from Anthropologie!

Here's a Thanksgiving funny to end this and thank you for reading through an arduously long life and mind update. I'm pretty sure only my sweet mother made it this far:

Bethany and her friend Brianna cooked a thanksgiving feast for 16 friends. Bless their hearts. But then a routine basting check on the turkey filled the house with smoke. Disaster and hilarity ensued. Yes, I took pictures of them in their distress. It sounds heartless but we were all laughing so hard I had to record it. As soon as I set down the camera I helped them fix the problem.

Too funny. They had overfilled the turkey pan with broth and it was spilling onto the bottom of the oven and smoking like a chimney. I think at this moment, Bethany was praying in tongues that it would end and the turkey and our lungs would be saved. Not that I could understand.

I might have peed my pants.

nonsense

Happy anniversary, frozen pecan pie. You have been in our freezer for one full year.

Today

Today is a very exciting day.
Today is the first non-Sunday day since August that I have off school and work.
I can do whatever I want with this day. Absolutely anything.
At the end of each semester, when I get these freebie days, I always get hit with this revelation in a new way that life isn't always going to be like it is now. That some day (next December) I'm going to graduate from college and then I won't have to do school and work full-time, and the time that I spend in class or studying will be free time, that I get to spend however I want! It's amazing! Maybe, just maybe, I'll be continuously caught up on laundry. Or be able to have friend-nights more than once a week. Or catch up on sleep.
Oh it will be glorious. I'll be able to give myself away to friends and organizations and still have fuel left to power myself up for being myself .

So what am I going to do on this freebie day?
I'm sick. In bed. Trying to recover so I can work well on the black-friday-day-of-hell.
Iz okay.

i elfed ourselves

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

little true story

One time, a long long time ago, I put too much make-up on before going to work. I probably forgot to put my contacts in before applying all the goo, and I rarely wear much so I guess I looked a lot different than I normally did.
So I got to work and one of the hispanic guys looked at me and sayed: "Muy bonita! Five dolla!"

...never did that again

perspective

My roommate, another Bethany, drives a sweet 1980's Buick Century Special station wagon.


The other morning, the four housemates all piled into it to make a grocery store milk run for our waffle breakfast. As we walked out of the ghettoGrandviewPriceChopper to drive home, I looked into the back windshield of the wagon and saw that her car was equipped with a third row bench seat that faced BACKWARDS.
And I thought to myself, 'I must ride in that seat'.

So Corrie and I opened the back hatch, climbed in, and buckled up.
As Bethany reversed out of her parking spot, I freaked out just a little bit on the inside. Imagine sitting the right way in a seat that faces the wrong way, in a car moving forward which is actually backward, in the back of a car that feels like the front of a car, on the left side where there is no steering wheel for me to control.
It feels like a bad dream.
Then Bethany switched from reverse to drive and headed home. Corrie and I tried to acclimate.

But the whole time, my perceptions were completely wrong because I felt like I was moving backward, which was actually forward, on the left side of the road, which was actually the right side of the road, and most importantly, I WAS NOT IN CONTROL and I felt like I should be.

And then I thought that's just kind of like life.

redemption

Last night was a pretty intense download on the omnipotence of God. Other stuff has been going on in my heart that is just making me ravished over my Savior and showing me how wicked and broken I am and how tremendous He really is.
I can't responsibly describe it.
Anyways.
After the Gathering I drove straight home and went in my room and shut the door and tried to marinade in the fresh perspective of how tiny and vaporistic my all-important life really is and how gracious is my God to love me and let me live in His story and play some kind of part even though I'm just pitiful.
I woke up feeling kind of raw. Which is not bad.
I had to be at work early.

The sunrise was blinding me as I handed one customer his breakfast in the drive-thru and added a doggie treat for his little jet-black friend sitting close to him.
She kept her head low and didn't seem aware of much. I asked him what kind of terrier she was and he said she was just a mutt. She was really old and blind and had hardly any teeth left, he said as he broke up the treat to help her eat the little bits. I asked what her name was and he said Lucky, because he and his wife went to the pound one day and picked her out and brought her home just in time to save her from being put to sleep.

And I just cried.
Right there in the drive-thru.

updates

• I have a new roommate named Bethany. When I talk to her, it sounds like I'm talking about myself in the third person.
• I have a new roommate named Corrie
• We got rid of the internet at the house
• We got rid of the TV at the house
• I am becoming one of those people who can't function until they have their coffee in the morning
• My hair is so long now that sometimes it is no longer hair. It is mane.
• For halloween, I dressed up as a fast-food employee and handed out chicken. Meaning, I worked all night, but it's ok because
• My little ones are far more precious than I can ever understand.
• God is far more perfect than I can ever understand.
• I can write an 8-page paper in 5 hours
• I can speak fluent spanglish
• Fall is my favorite season.
• I can handle the Winter
• My new food phase it grits
• I'm back on facebook
• Finishing out this semester is going to kill me.
• I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
• I'm excited about voting in my first election.

props to Julie and Shanna for this one:

forgiveness

I have another 8-pager due in, oh, 6 hours. Haven't done much on it.
But the cool thing is that I get to write it on this song.




It should flow allright, I guess.

deal with it

I had just ordered my vanilla steamer at the Roasterie and stood smiling and waiting for the kind barista to finish up decorating my drink with pretty swirls of caramel. I thanked him, took my cup, and reached for a lid. Then I stopped and thought for a second about how I really didn't need a lid because I would probably drink the steamer pretty fast and I would want it to cool off anyway. Plus I heard Sean Berger's voice in my head preaching against useless trash. So I walked back to my little table where I had just set up my laptop and sat down my cup.
Then I proceeded to knock over my cup and spill hot sweet milk all over the laptop, textbooks, table, chair, power cord, and floor.

Ridiculous.

So then I'm faced with the question of how to react to this situation. My options were:
1) freak out, show my embarrassement, cry over the possibly dead computer, clean up the mess by myself, grab my stuff, and run away, or,
2) deal with it.

I chose option 2. I turned my computer on its side to let the milk run off and shut out the stares of the civilized around me. A sweet girl sitting nearby happened to be an employee off duty and grabbed me some towels. I clean up other people's messes for a living, so I made quick work of it. Then another employee rolled up with a mop bucket and I let him help me. When my helpers exclaimed over the shame of the computer and asked me if it was broken, I replied "I guess I'll find out soon enough." The manager walked up and asked if it was their fault and I actually laughed, because it could not have been more of my own clumsiness.

After righting the scene, I sat back down and worked on drying off my keyboard. There seemed to be no permanent damage and I started working. Then the friendly mopper guy walked over to my table with a new drink for me. I smiled when he pointed out that this one had a lid on it.


I stuck around for a long while doing my work and pretty soon all the people who had seen my disgrace left and new ones came who thought I was just a normal, coordinated individual. And then I ran into a friend and had a nice chat, which I would have missed if I had left.

So here's to analyzing possible emotions before feeling them. I'm going to try to do it more often, because there is really no use in crying over spilled milk.

silly little ones

Danielle: "We're gonna beat the crap out of them"
Jennifer: "Dani, turn the other cheek."
Danielle: "All four?"
.....................................................................................

Danielle: "Craig, you're hairy and gross."
Me: "Dani, speak the truth in love."
Danielle: "You're hairy and gross and I like it?"

.....................................................................................

Ryon, frowning at how I arranged food items on a tray I handed him for his customer:
"I'm not liking the feng shui on this tray"

.....................................................................................

Jennifer, with furrowed brows eyeing Sharea's waist-length brown hair:
"I'm gonna chop off your hair in your sleep."

.....................................................................................

Me: "Good job, Craig! High five!"
Craig: "Don't ever touch me again."

.....................................................................................

Ryon screams, invisibly sweeping behind a huge refrigerator:
"SPIDER!!"

Today I:

• Went grocery shopping at 7.30 am
• Found $22 and my school ID in an obscure pocket of my backpack
• Cut my own hair
• Listened to an old Isaac pep-talk

and

• absorbed a shockwave of school-panic when I walked in to class and realized I had completely. completely. forgotten about a psychology test.

rich mullins

therapy

fly away home

I am flying high today.

I used to be the kind of person who was in an everlasting good mood and always had cheer to spread around for no particular reason except that all was right in my world and nothing was hard. And then I had to grow up when life cut me down a couple of times and I learned that it actually takes hard work to be happy in this world and I have to go out looking for joy because it doesn't bounce in to wake me up every morning anymore.

So I do go out and search for joy and try to capture it and bring it near to me so I can drink it in and sprinkle it around my little space in life to make good things grow. Most days it works allright. But some days I fail.

Today, however, I feel like a happy little girl again because tonight a plane will deliver me to my family for a perfectly delightful weekend. I'm going to hug my mother and kiss my father and take my little brother out on a date and talk late with my sister. And I will feel safe and I won't have to take care of myself for just a little while because other people will take care of me.

john 16:33

Yesterday I visited my friend Becky at the school where she teaches in the inner city of KCK. I sat in on her 4th grade classes and watched her teach reading through current events. And then I watched the ten-year-olds learn what the word "terrorism" means.

It's a sad world, little ones.

"But take heart, I have overcome the world."

What I learned at school today

Anyone can say anything--absolutely anything--and get away with it. As long as they pick the right words.

What I learned at school today

Hearing is different than listening.
Listening is different than knowing.

Knowing is different than understanding.

-AND-

Anything can only be defined by what it is not.

apple bottle means

My roommate, Sharon (in the middle down below), swears by apple cider vinegar as the elixir of life.


"Have you ever googled this stuff?! It's so good for you!"

Apparently if I take three shots of apple cider vinegar every day, my hair will be stronger, my skin will be clearer, I will never get sick, I will sleep better, live a long life, and the sun will shine on me every day.

Ya'll...this stuff is rank.

I'm serious. Imagine drinking straight vinegar, plus fermented apples. And it's fizzy. When you drink it, there is a compulsory full-body shudder that must happen as it pours down your throat and you have to chase it will a full glass of water and a bite of chocolate cake to return your taste buds to their original state.

For some reason, early yesterday morning I decided to subject myself to this vicious health treatment. In the darkness of the pre-dawn, standing pajama-clad in my kitchen, I poured a generous dose into a glass, held my breath, pinched my nose, and gulped it down.

PROBLEM: empty stomach, yo! Bad idea!
It burned. Then the fizziness bubbled up in my belly and I burped up old fruit all the way to work.

THE END

currently listening to Mutemath

just a little revelation

Yesterday God told me that instead of trying to figure Him out so that I can love Him more, I should try loving Him more, and then I might figure Him out.

our roommate days are numbered

Tiffany is moving away on Saturday.

creed

"Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs. We are, and must be, one and all, burdened with faults in this world: but the time will soon come when, I trust, we shall put them off in putting off our corruptible bodies: when debasement and sin will fall from us with this cumbrous frame of flesh, and only the spark of the spirit will remain, -the impalpable principle of light and thought, pure as when it left the Creator to inspire the creature. I hold another creed, which no one ever taught me, and which I seldom mention; but in which I take delight, and to which I cling: for it extends hope to all: it makes Eternity a rest- a mighty home, not a terror and an abyss. Besides, with this creed, I can so clearly distinguish between the criminal and his crime; I can so sincerely forgive the first while I abhor the last: with this creed revenge never worries my heart, degradation never too deeply disgusts me, injustice never crushes me too low: I live in calm, looking to the end."

Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre

for the love

Megan: "Bethany, I thought about it for a long time. I really only have one serious life regret, and that is--"

Me: "That we fought so much when we were growing up, right? It's mine too."

Megan: "That's not it."

I love her deeply

Currently listening to Sufjan Stevens

hmm...

Last night Ryan and I were praying over our new friend Aaron. We were all three standing outside, at night, in a parking lot, under a tree.

We had our eyes closed for quite a while and when we finished and looked up, Ryan had a PRAYING MANTIS on his NECK. This thing was the length of my middle finger.

For serious.

Ryan was completely unaware of this and started talking vibrantly about how excited he was to see God’s work in Aaron’s life and what a great time of prayer we just had. I was the first to notice the beastly insect about to kill my friend, so naturally I say in a very seriously low voice “Ryan…don’t move” as I walk toward him with my nalgene raised above my head and the look of death in my eye.

Ryan had an amazing expression on his face because he had NO IDEA what was going on. I wish I could describe it.

I knocked the evil spindly creature off his head with no injury to his cranium.

SUCCESS!!

Then Aaron and I explained to Ryan what happened, and he proceeded to freak out and run away from his spot under the tree after I had already taken care of the problem.
Hellooooo…

Ryan ripped off his hoodie and insisted on finding the praying mantis. Then he got all worried because he couldn’t find the praying mantis. Such a boy thing to do, I say. It’s over. I saved your life. Let’s go home.

And then…I feel a tingling sensation on my neck.

“Guys….is there something--?”

I couldn’t even finish before those two boys screamed like little girls and ran away from me.

They ran away from me!

Of course it’s the evil praying mantis, on MY NECK this time and I had to SAVE MYSELF because the boys ran away! I knocked the little devil off my hair and this time we found him and glared at him on the concrete for a while and dared him to jump on us again.
Then Ryan doubled over and laughed harder than I’ve ever seen him laugh.

“It was a praying mantis…while we were praying…”

The irony.

Can't steal happiness

Have a good weekend, friends!

Currently listening to the Ting Tings.

la musique

This is Lakes.

I'm such a freaking girl

I have another paper due on Thursday. It's an interpersonal communications case study. My job is to find any movie clip that depicts any two people interacting and analyze it enough to fill up 8 pages double spaced in 12 point font.
Fine.
But do I start straight in to work on the paper? No. I pick the sweetest, cheesiest scene I can possibly find and watch it over and over, sighing and smiling.
Enjoy.

les reves

Ok friends, I had the craziest dream the other night. I'm sure you will find it amusing:

I was in charge of house-sitting a mansion in the middle of a lovely prairie with a stream running through the back yard. It's full of windows and sun-light and baby grand pianos and walk-in closets full of beautiful silks. And in this house is a ruling fat cat. Very fat.
And I'm not a cat person.
But, in the interest of enjoying myself in this beautiful getaway, I decide to befriend the cat. Well, the cat took well to me and never left me alone. He was a very needy fat cat and I always found him right next to me because there were no doors in this mansion to separate me from the feline.
One day I left the mansion to go out shopping, but the deal was that I had to take the cat with me wherever I went. So I put the cat on a leash and walked downtown. That's what you do with cats, right? So I'm power-walking down the busy street, and this cat is just not having it. It's walking slow and I'm basically dragging the cat. I think it occured to me at some point here that it was not nice to drag cats by a leash hooked to their collars, but I've only ever had dogs (with big, thick necks), and you can reason with a dog, people. You can look a dog in the eye and tell them they need to shape up and walk faster and they will. Cats won't.
Anyway, I had all these clothes to try on at ATC and some pretty, jeweled headband in a dressing room, with me and the fat cat, when the cat laid on the floor and died.
It just died.
I didn't make any move to kill it, I didn't want it to die! But I suppose it had been slowly choking during our whole walk downtown and decided to just give up on life right there in the dressing room.
Then, as I was inwardly panicking about what I was going to do, a resurrected cat rolled out of the dead cat and stood up and stared at me. This cat wasn't fat. It was the perfect version of the dead cat, and my beautiful jeweled headband had turned into a magic collar round its neck that gave it back its life.

And this cat could talk and told the world of how I made it suffer when it only wanted to love me and I rotted in jail for cat abuse.

There it is.


Currently listening to Brooke Fraser

Oh my Morgan

In the spirit of procrastination (I have yet to finish my rhetorical criticism paper), and my deep devotion for Morgan, I simply MUST republish a blog she wrote about herself a few days ago.
If you don't know Morgan, I'd be delighted to introduce you. She's the best, most beautiful 5 foot 11, mystery race friend any girl could ever ask for. And she's a major celebrity in India.

Here's some things she knows for sure about herself:

• On my tombstone, I want this description of a delicious FairTrade coffee that we got from Trader Joes: "Bright, Sweet, and mildly Nutty."
  
• If I get married, at my wedding rehersal:
  --Everyone will walk down to aisle to the original Oompa-Lumpa song.
  --I will deliver the "Maiwage" (marriage) speech off Princess Bride.
  --At the real wedding, I'll come down the aisle to "I am the rose"...you don't know it, I'm sure. But there's this great climax where the doors will fling open and BOOM, BABY! There I'll be. I'll sing it for you sometime.
  
• I won't have pets, probably. Except maaaaybe goats. And then I'd milk them and make cheese.


• Whatever I do long-term, it will involve public speaking, world travel, writing, and counteracting social injustice. Passionately.


• And many more things. But that's all that comes to mind at the moment.
  

Another reason to love Morgan: she sent me this postcard from India.

Currently listening to O.A.R.

"He has paid us the intolerable compliment of loving us in the deepest, most inexorable sense of the word."

-C.S. Lewis, Problem of Pain

:(

Friends, it's a sad day to be a grown-up.
I just put myself on a budget.

La Musique

There's big news in the life of my music library.
Two of my all-time favorite artists released new albums and I bought them on the same day.
Ready?




Jars of Clay. It's a 5 song EP. Three of tracks are brand new, of those "Closer" is my favorite--altogether lovely and jam-worthy. They have a remix of "Flood (new rain)", which has fit the Kansas City weather quite well in these last few days. They also have a remixed version of "Love Song for a Savior" which is so sweet it just makes me cry. So good.



Then we have Patty. Bless her. This album has 16 live tracks, and proves her genius because she's one of those few great artists who sound better live than recorded.
I still think her music is therapy.









Since when am I a music critic? Time to quit.
Check out my adorable parents down below!

26 years

Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad!

Your love for each other means more to me than anything in life ever could.

I love you both, studly and lovely.

Joyeuse Anniversaire

Today is my half birthday.
Not a big deal to most people, but due to a (now) hilarious childhood experience, I remember it each year.
When I was growing up, I spent one birthday in the United States. I was 6, turning 7. My missionary parents were on furlough and we happend to be at my grandparent's house on March the 10th, my birthday. Major deal to me. I have 10 cousins, so they all came over and Mimi got me a cake and candles and balloons and gifts. Very American-girl thing to do and I relished feeling celebrated in the typical American way.

As I remember it, the lights were switched off and the candles were lit and my family was singing to me, when my little cousin started crying, because since she was born on September 10th, my birthday was her half birthday and no one cared about her enough to wish her "happy half-birthday" or get her a cake and presents, and she was miserable.

So, to remedy the situation, someone cut my cake in half, put some candles on it and we then sang "Happy Half Birthday" to her and she got some of my balloons. This totally rained on my little parade and I pouted for the rest of my birthday over not getting all the attention at my party.
Ha!

Dear young man standing at a busy intersection by the plaza, wearing dress slacks and tailored wool sweater with stylish leather shoes, listening to an ipod and holding a cardboard sign reading "help for the homeless" on one side and "i'm too sexy for the streets" on the other;

NOIWILLNOTGIVEYOUMONEY!!!

What I learned at school today

When you subconsciously choose the handicapped bathroom stall over the regular one because it's easier to turn around with your purse still on your shoulder...

It's time for a smaller purse.

Today was a real good one

Well, it started oddly.
I woke up to lightning and thunder at 4.30 am and couldn't go back to sleep. So I decided the most logical thing to do at that time would be to bake a pie for Sharon. I mean, I bought the stuff to make it. It's her favorite. I'm trying not to be a sucky roommate. Why NOT bake a pie at 5 am?
Then my pie baking was interrupted by a frantic call from work. They were out of a crucial ingredient needed to make a signature menu item. So I threw on yesterday's clothes and hauled it all over God's creation in record time to fetch what needed fetching and made sure the good people got their breakfast by 7 am. Supergirl? check.
Next, I battled early morning rush hour traffic in the rain for an hour and finally made it to Broadway early for a little Savior-lovin' before I met with some beautiful ladies.
The day slowed over coffee, chatter, smiles, and appreciation for vulnerability.

And then we headed over to Jerusalem Cafe and I may have eaten my body weight in hummus.

Back at work at 2pm, and the little ones were more precious than usual. Or maybe it's just that it was a slow rainy monday and I got to focus on how precious they were, instead of frantically running around like I usually do. I just love their faces.
"Bethany, do you think I should play soccer this year?", "Where should I go to college?", "How am I gonna figure out how to be a good leader?", "Can I have a hug?", "Where's this?", "Where's that?", "Can you fix it?", "How does this work?", "What'd I do wrong?", and the staple:
"I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!"

Ugh. Eat my heart out.

The dinner party is tomorrow night at our place. Please come.



currently listening to The Weepies, Hideaway.

amen!

I had the best conversation with a stranger today. I looooooove good conversations with interesting strangers, by the way.
I was at Jiffy Lube getting my oil changed. I know I know, you're thinking "she's the kind of person I hate in strange waiting rooms", BUT, this guy started talking to me first. This time.

He was a Jewish man from Ethiopia. SO COOL! And, he might have been the smartest person I've talked to in a long time. I found out by the end of the conversation that he had 3 degrees in history, archaeology, and religion.
We started talking about Christianity and Judaism and missions and America and the Old Covenant and Jesus and I just loved it. He told me all kinds of things about the 12 tribes of Israel and the ancient Roman and Greek empires, and THEN he started breaking down for me how all the different denominations were born and the reformation, all of which made perfect sense when he explained it but I don't think I could spit it back out.
Then he said this:
"Everyone now believes something different, their own version of how to live for God. But religion was not always so complicated. Jesus was not a philosopher, he just did as his father said."
Thank you, Mr. Ethiopian wise man.

prettiness

Can you BELIEVE the beautiful goodness I got for $10 at the river market this morning?
Let me elaborate:

• 1 cluster of grapes
• 5 limes
• 4 plums
• 3 tomatoes
• 5 bananas
• 1 red pepper
• 1 bundle of fresh basil
• the most beautiful fall flowers ever in the world

TEN DOLLARS

come with me next week!

Morgan: "I have the best idea! We should wake up early and ride our bikes through Johnson Park! Then make coffee and go to city market, then come back to the condo and eat our fruit."

Me: "That sounds so perfect! My bike has a flat, though. But I could probably get it fixed before Saturday."

Morgan: "That's ok. I don't have a bike anyways."

i still hate palm trees

It was cold yesterday, and wet.
I sat at a red light behind a car with Florida plates and the oranges and blossoms made me think of the groves next to my parent's house. How long since I've been there? Christmas? It's warm there right now. The sun is shining.
But that's ok. I'll be fine right here.
I've been feeling guilty over my lack of nostalgia for home. But then, Venice isn't really home, so I should give it up. We are just fine without each other.
But I do wish I could hug my mother. Or watch my dad laugh till he turns purple and quits breathing, like he does at the dinner table when I say something he thinks is hysterical. Or watch my baby brother play football.
I miss our living room. But not my bedroom. I miss Ms. Higgs. But not my school friends.
That's not normal.
The deal is, I'm made of different stuff now. Going back to Venice is a bad dream because everyone thinks I still am who I used to be. Not that I was bad, just young and so very unsure of myself. I have a really hard time being who I want to be in that small, slow, rich town. Nothing challenges me there.
I have a true friend from Venice who moved here a couple of months ago. She sat at my kitchen table with me the other night and we ate together. It's sweet to have her in my life again, but it's also jarring that someone knows my history. I guess because as long as anyone remembers what I used to be, that version is still alive somehow.

I resent Florida. For molding me into someone who could be shattered so easily. There's nothing left of that little beach girl. Give me mountains to climb.

oh my morgan

Two respectable young ladies

plus ice cream

and a late night drive

equals?

Orual

"I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?"
C.S. Lewis

me: "i just emailed you a link"

dad: "sausage?"

la musique

I put myself on a Patty G fast. I've been listening to her way too much.
I get obsessed.
It's kind of ruling my life right now.
My roommate suffers. "Buy it!" I cry. "Sing your grief! scream it! it's therapy!" and I don't stop until she does.

Her songs will pop in my head and then I sing them out loud when I think no one is around. Watch, I'll get caught.
I don't pay attention in class because I'm constantly writing and rewriting the lyrics.
I sit down to work on being an amazingly poetic communicator of human emotion like her. I fail. Then I cry. Then I play "crying over" and begin the whole process again.


anyways.




This morning I bought the new Coldplay album to red herring my addiction. I know, it's been out a while already. I just needed a little motivation.
That painting looks familiar. French Revolution. Probably something I saw as an ungrateful little world traveler.

THIS is also helping me. the heart is an anchor.
oh i LOVE. Lakes.

ordeals my little teenager friends at work have to deal with:

high school
pregnancy
psychological disorders
poverty
speech impediments
abusive parents
divorce
bills
addictions
parents with addictions
incarcerated parents
diseases
broken hearts


life just isn't fair. and they're so strong and kind and clever.

wednesday

one. my hair is now long enough to be tied up with a pen. glorious convenience.
two. I can't get enough of Patty Griffin's album "Living with Ghosts". I like to scream
along with her as we drive.
three. avocado on toast.
four. my gps finally, completely broke. BUT I found my way from Independance
straight to UMKC using a new shortcut. all by myself.
five. my bike has a flat tire. again.
six. film class tonight!! i love school!!

I love me some communication studies

"Matter, which keeps our souls apart, brings them together. It enables each of us to have an 'outside' as well as an 'inside', so that what are acts of will and thought for you are noises and glances for me; you are enabled not only to be but to appear. And hence, I have the pleasure of making your acquaintance."
C.S. Lewis, Problem of Pain

"We use symbols to create meaning. Then, we use those meanings to create reality. Then we negotiate meaning. Humans are symbol using and abusing animals."
--Jean Dufresne

"Communication is what makes us human"
--my Interpersonal Communications professor

"Rational thought is what makes us human"
--my Philosophy professor

"Rational thought does not make us human, artistic representation makes us human."
--my Film professor

personal opinion: being made in the image of God makes us human

"Thought and speech are God's gift to creatures made in His image; these are intimately associated with Him and impossible apart from Him...We may speak because God spoke. In Him word and idea are indivisible."
A.W. Tozer, Knowledge of the Holy

In Him word and idea are indivisible. Suppose Tozer is completely right. This axiom becomes physical law, and we take it from heaven and bring it down to earth and every thought becomes voice.

(shudder)

How alone I would be.

I never doubt that God hears my thoughts. But I sure don't stop to wonder what He thinks of them unless I am thinking something good, that I want Him to hear.
But I do think some ugly thoughts.

And yet, still He loves.

I recommend

Allow me to elaborate on the monumental deal it is for me to recommend a movie to my dearly beloved readers:

I am a communications major, so therefore I think that television is the spawn of satan. Our society is completely addicted to mass media, which infects viewers with its sick and twisted values, gives us a self-concept built around lies, and generally ruins our ability to think critically. I hate it. I don't watch TV.

BUT.

I liked this movie. It's cute and clean and lovely. Watch it with your grandma. Then eat pancakes.

currently listening to: the roommate laugh ridiculously at whatever the boyfriend says.

Heavenly Day

Beautiful morning.
I was up, showered, laundered, and out by 9 am. Patty Griffin sang me to midtown and I ran into Emily outside of Broadway. I love running into friends unexpectedly. We studied school. Then she left and Dane walked up. Same deal.



A.W. Tozer ripped me up because he told me that having wrong thoughts about God are just as bad as worshipping another God. I'm still chewing on that and trying to swallow it.

Then I ran home and I'm about to leave for work. I hate to trade my sundress for a uniform.
But I love my little worker friends and their complicated teenageness and funniness.


Yesterday my roommate's boyfriend walked in the house while I had on a pasty white facial mask. yay.

My new food phase is fresh peppers with hummus and pine nuts. mmm mmm mmm.......

currently listening to Patty, children running through